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“Wisdom is knowing what to do next, skill is knowing how to do it, and virtue is doing it.”

I’m not quite sure how to start this particular post. So I think I’ll start with a confession.

I have the type of personality that when I get stressed, I shut down and try to ignore whatever problems I’m facing, in the ignorant and foolish hopes that they will go away. They never do. This has happened to me several times, throughout the various seasons of my life.

*sigh* I’m beginning to find myself in one of those seasons.

Over the past several weeks, what started out as small, easy to solve problems grew into bigger, scarier problems. Which I find ironic. Why? Because the reason I let them become bigger problems was because I was too afraid to confront them in the first place.

For reasons unbeknownst, I am terrified of conflict. I would rather live with things getting really bad in the hopes of  them magically and miraculously going away rather than dealing with them.

For reasons unbeknownst, I cannot for the life of me tell people what I’m really thinking. I deflect. I use extremely vague language. I try to turn the conversations to other things, to other people, to other examples that only have peripheral significance to whatever is being said.

And for reasons unbeknownst, it’s very difficult for me to ask for help. Because to admit I need help would be to admit that I am weak, that I don’t have it all together, and that I’m not perfect. Hehe, and I know how… prideful that seems. *shrugs* maybe it just pride, I don’t know. But for me, I can’t bring myself to do it because, again, I’m afraid. Afraid that if I *do* admit I am weak and need help, that those around me will say “You have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting.” Then everyone in my life will walk away, and I’ll be left all alone. Looking back on my past, I’m not smart enough to say I’ve ever experienced this before to cause a permanent mark on me or not. Maybe it was some big event in my life I’ve repressed. Maybe it was just a bunch of little things over a long period of time that convinced me I should fear such things….

But for whatever reasons, relevant or otherwise, here I am again, stuck in a situation of my own making. And now I’m faced with a question; am I willing to do the right thing, even if it’s hard?

Heh, I’m not an avid reader of the book of Proverbs (wisdom literature), but when last I spent a significant amount of time with it, several themes emerged for me. One theme being that a lot of humility is required in wisdom. It takes a lot of humility to seek out wise counsel, to realize in yourself that it might be better to listen to your friends and parents, and follow what they tell you, simply because you know they are smarter than you are. More often than not, I tend to just take the advice of the people around me, weigh it against my own brain and experience, and decide which bits and pieces of advice I’m going to follow, then do whatever else *I* think is best. But that’s like Thomas Jefferson, cutting out the pieces of the Bible he didn’t like. That’s not wisdom.

Another theme that emerged was this idea of action. That in order to be wise, one must act on wise counsel, to go forth, to find courage, to be valiant, to follow through on what you know is right. Wisdom isn’t passive. It doesn’t just sit there and tell everyone what the right thing to do is, and then never do it.

How do we know this is true? Well, look at Jesus. He was called Good Teacher. Being a teacher obviously requires wisdom. Moreover, Jesus is God the Son, the wisest man to ever be clothed in flesh. Now, I ask myself; was Jesus passive? Did he just tell people what to do and then never follow through with it? Did he just teach a lot of good things, but when push came to shove, he just stepped back, not wanting to step on people’s toes? No, of course not! Jesus was a man of action! He is The Way, The Truth, and The Life. Jesus always knew what the right thing to do was, and he always did it, no matter what.

People have been telling me for a long time that I’m very mature, and very wise for my age. But by the grace of God, He has been humbling me, and now I find I’m tempted to disagree with that statement. I’ve been very blessed with a strong foundation, with a large support group of wise people who pour a lot of time and effort to impart their wisdom onto me. But that doesn’t make me wise. What makes me wise is to know what the right thing is and to follow through with it. And as hard as it is for me to admit it, more often than not, I let fear hold me back from following through with action. I let fear, and pride get in the way of walking in righteousness.

*sigh* What another beautiful opportunity I’ve been presented with this revelation. Because now I am again reminded that I have Christ.

Because yes, I am weak. I am afraid. I am imperfect. I don’t have it all together. And I need help. But because of Christ, that doesn’t have to scare me anymore. And because of Christ, I can have the strength to know what the right thing is, and to follow through with action.

*smiles* Sometimes, God sends opportunities our way. And we screw them up. But it takes courage, strength, and wisdom to say ‘Yes, I fell flat on my face today. But I won’t give up. I’ll try again tomorrow, And when I do, I’m going to ask someone to hold my hand as I do it.”

So. Thank You Jesus, for today. I pray for the courage to face tomorrow.

“Whoever is wise, let him attend to these things; let them consider the steadfast love of the LORD.” Psalm 107:43


*blows off the dust*

Well, hello WordPress. It’s been quite a while, hasn’t it?

Part of me wants to apologize for not posting in so long, but I’m not going to. About a year and a half ago, a lot of personal stuff decided to explode in my life, and I dropped my blogging as I coped with it. But God is good, and to quote something off my Pinterest page “Never be ashamed of the scars that life has left you. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed, you endured the pain, and God has healed you.” *smiles* So I praise God; after a very long process, the heartache is finally over.

*sigh* Suffice it to say, because of what I’ve gone through this past year, it’s produced in me a young adult that reads previous posts on this blog and laughs inside. Such ignorance. Such foolishness. Such… small minded priorities. Ironically, I had to grow a few years older to realize how truly young I am. And I hope because of that, my future posts will reflect this change in mindset.

Other than that, I don’t really know what to say. God has worked many new things in my heart, and He’s been inspiring me to write again. It’s been a long time since I wrote on a regular basis, and even though life is busy, I don’t want that busy-ness to hold me back anymore from something I know is good for me. I want to write about the things I’ve been learning, and I’m excited to meet this new person inside that can only be unlocked through this kind of blogging.  Hopefully she’s going to be very different from the person before her. And hopefully now she’ll  have something interesting to say. 😉

But for now, I’ll leave you with this quote. And I promise, there will be more to come. 🙂

“Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what’s to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn’t have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves… for growing up.”

Ta ta for now.  😉


…. because I’ve been itching to do this for a long time.

…. and it’s funny and you’re going to love it. So. Tell everyone you know. 😉

Enjoy!

 Grande Chai Lattes and worn hardback classics,

Cool colored contacts and not needing glasses,

Eagles that soar so high above the trees,

These are a few of my favorite things.

 

Finding solutions to hard complications,

Knowing the answers to Jeopardy questions,

Slender white aspens with quivering leaves,

These are a few of my favorite things.

 

Small beaded lamps and sweet smelling candles,

Fancy new car doors- no window crank handles,

Tall wildflowers that dance in the breeze,

These are a few of my favorite things.

 

When the car breaks, when a friend leaves, when I’m really mad,

I simply remember my favorite things,

And then I don’t feel… as bad.

 

Red Easy Buttons and long happy phone calls,

Joking with cashiers in grocery store isles,

Speaking with confidence, no knocking knees,

These are a few of my favorite things.

 

Singing and writing and just being lazy,

Blue cloudless skies and clear midnight stargazing,

Words that have letters with Q, X, and Z,

These are a few of my favorite things.

 

Waltzs and sambas and celebrity voting,

Laughing with friends and comedian quoting,

Fun inside jokes where no one knows what they mean,

These are a few of my favorite things.

 

When the chair breaks, when I headdesk, when I scream a tad,

I simply remember my favorite things,

And then I don’t feel… as bad. 😉

And because this would not be complete without musical accompainment….

Hope you liked it!

 


“You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough.”

Muahahaha, we’re gonna have to start a game. “Guess the content of this post by picking the keyword in this quote.” 😛

… and yes, I’m so sorry for not writing a post sooner. As my other 505 blog-writing friends can attest, every time I get ready to post, the topic I’m working on kinda dissipates. Not cause it’s a bad topic, but cause I haven’t thought it through enough.

But God has been teaching me a lot about this one.

Of course, like always, I don’t claim to be an expert on the subject, but I do claim to be an expert on how it applies to my life at the moment. 🙂

I think we underestimate the power trusting God affords. My friends, my family, my talents, my dreams, none of them are as trustworthy as He is.  We trust our friends to always be there, and to always do the right thing for our hearts, when at times, they don’t know any better than we do when it comes to this whole ‘life’ thing. Family, although more experienced, is also the same. They’re not perfect. They will make mistakes. Eventually, they’ll hurt you in some way. It’s part of being in the world we live in. Talents are imperfect, and sometimes they will fail. And dreams… sometimes dreams don’t come from the right place. They don’t come from the holy calling in our hearts as redeemed children of God.  They come from our own wants, our flesh, which as Christians we’re supposed to put to death daily.

Yet we still trust them.

I’m not trying to say that we shouldn’t trust those things,  I’m saying they don’t deserve our ultimate trust.   Or underestimate how hard it is when it really comes down to it. We can say “Oh yes, I trust easily.” And usually we’re only referring to things like trusting someone to get to an appointment on time. Or trusting someone to drive us from point A to point B without killing everyone. (And of course we all know those people who we really shouldn’t trust for that 😉 )

But when it comes down to it, when it really matters,  do we trust? When it comes to that one particular subject, that one line we won’t cross, the one wound we refuse to acknowledge,  will we trust the Almighty God, the Healer? I know I don’t, not nearly enough.  It’s easy to say in your head that you trust, but sometimes we don’t even recognize our hearts saying the exact opposite.

What does it mean to trust? Well, in some cases, I think that trust and courage are intertwined, maybe one in the same. Courage is looking at a situation, seeing the possibility that you might lose and fall flat on your face, and choosing to do it anyway. It takes courage to trust God like that, doesn’t it? “Alright, God. I know I can’t handle this whole ‘living’ thing. I know that without Your help, I can’t walk the walk You call me to. I know that there will be times in this life where I will fall flat on my face. I know I’ll get hurt, my heart will shatter, and it will hurt like no other to pick up the pieces. But I know You’re in control, and that You work all things for good. And I trust you to carry me through.”

I’m one of those people that when it comes to very important things, I have to check, and double check, and triple check that I have all the information I can possibly have about the situation, before I choose to do something. And even then, I second guess myself. So to trust, to really trust, is really asking a lot. To walk through life without knowing every single detail about it so I can pull it off correctly the first time is huge to me. Are you like that?

So…. yeah. Another blog post. Again, I’m so sorry it’s taken so dang long. I shall wholeheartedly endeavor to post more in the future. Which I think will be easier, seeing as I have my own laptop now. Hehehehe…. }:)

And now, because I like poetry, another one to tide you over while I work on my next blog post. Muahahaha.

 

Annabel Lee.

It was many and many a year ago,

In a kingdom by the sea,

That a maiden there lived whom you may know,

By the name of Annabel Lee;

And this maiden she lived with no thought

Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child she was a child,

In this kingdom by the sea;

And we loved with a love that was more than love,

I and my Annabel Lee;

With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven

Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,

In this kingdom by the sea,

a wind blew out of a cloud, chilling

My beautiful Annabel Lee;

So that her high-born kinsman came

And bore her away from me,

To shut her up in a sepulcher

In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,

Went envying her and me.

Yes, that was the reason- as all men know,

In this kingdom by the sea-

That the wind came out of the cloud by night,

Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger far than the love

Of those that were older than we,

Of many far wiser than we.

And neither the angels in heaven above,

Nor the demons down under the sea,

Can ever dissever my soul from the soul

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side

Of my darling, my darling, my life, and my bride,

In the sepulcher there by the sea,

In her tomb by the sounding sea.

   
 
 
 

Ttyl.

🙂


“Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow – that is patience.”

… I really love that quote!! <goes to scribble it onto an index card and tape to my bathroom window>

Anyway…

It feels like an eternity has passed since I last posted. I apologize for such a delay. 😦 Life got a lot busier than I expected it to (the nerve). Not to mention that Facebook has this annoying habit of sucking people’s lives away. 😉

If you’ve been reading my blog for awhile, then you know that when I’m gonna post something, usually I’ve thought about it for awhile. Alas and alack, I’m still in the ruminating stage of my blog-posting process. But! Know this, dear readers, more to come! Hopefully within a couple days, I’ll be able to coherently articulate everything that’s been swirling around in this chaotic brain of mine. 😉

While all of you, in your benevolent patience, wait for me to get my butt in gear, here’s an amazing poem. I hope it can assuage your bored consciences.

… and that’s probably the most intelligent sounding post I’ve written in awhile. If ever. =P

Anyway! Without Further Ado.

Invictus, by William Ernest Henley. (Those of you who know me well can see one big reason why I like this poet) 😉

OUT of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Every time I read it, it gives me chills. Thus it’s amazing. Not many poems can do that. 😀 😀 😀

… and! Because you know me oh-so-well, a song. For your listening pleasure.

Ttys.

😀


“My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.”

The past couple weeks for me have been… rather interesting, and reading this psalm has helped. A lot. It’s quickly becoming my favorite. 😀

Psalm 37.

Of David.

 1  Do not fret because of evil men
       or be envious of those who do wrong;

 2 for like the grass they will soon wither,
       like green plants they will soon die away.

 3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
       dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

 4 Delight yourself in the LORD
       and he will give you the desires of your heart.

 5 Commit your way to the LORD;
       trust in him and he will do this:

 6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
       the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

 7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
       do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
       when they carry out their wicked schemes.

 8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
       do not fret—it leads only to evil.

 9 For evil men will be cut off,
       but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.

 10 A little while, and the wicked will be no more;
       though you look for them, they will not be found.

 11 But the meek will inherit the land
       and enjoy great peace.

 12 The wicked plot against the righteous
       and gnash their teeth at them;

 13 but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
       for he knows their day is coming.

 14 The wicked draw the sword
       and bend the bow
       to bring down the poor and needy,
       to slay those whose ways are upright.

 15 But their swords will pierce their own hearts,
       and their bows will be broken.

 16 Better the little that the righteous have
       than the wealth of many wicked;

 17 for the power of the wicked will be broken,
       but the LORD upholds the righteous.

 18 The days of the blameless are known to the LORD,
       and their inheritance will endure forever.

 19 In times of disaster they will not wither;
       in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.

 20 But the wicked will perish:
       The LORD’s enemies will be like the beauty of the fields,
       they will vanish—vanish like smoke.

 21 The wicked borrow and do not repay,
       but the righteous give generously;

 22 those the LORD blesses will inherit the land,
       but those he curses will be cut off.

 23 If the LORD delights in a man’s way,
       he makes his steps firm;

 24 though he stumble, he will not fall,
       for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

 25 I was young and now I am old,
       yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
       or their children begging bread.

 26 They are always generous and lend freely;
       their children will be blessed.

 27 Turn from evil and do good;
       then you will dwell in the land forever.

 28 For the LORD loves the just
       and will not forsake his faithful ones.
       They will be protected forever,
       but the offspring of the wicked will be cut off;

 29 the righteous will inherit the land
       and dwell in it forever.

 30 The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom,
       and his tongue speaks what is just.

 31 The law of his God is in his heart;
       his feet do not slip.

 32 The wicked lie in wait for the righteous,
       seeking their very lives;

 33 but the LORD will not leave them in their power
       or let them be condemned when brought to trial.

 34 Wait for the LORD
       and keep his way.
       He will exalt you to inherit the land;
       when the wicked are cut off, you will see it.

 35 I have seen a wicked and ruthless man
       flourishing like a green tree in its native soil,

 36 but he soon passed away and was no more;
       though I looked for him, he could not be found.

 37 Consider the blameless, observe the upright;
       there is a future for the man of peace.

 38 But all sinners will be destroyed;
       the future of the wicked will be cut off.

 39 The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD;
       he is their stronghold in time of trouble.

 40 The LORD helps them and delivers them;
       he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
       because they take refuge in him.

I hope this helps you today as much as it’s helped me.

Ttfn.

😀


Wow. More blog tag. Raise your hand if you’re totally surprised…

Heeheehee. If you’re like me, and you actually WERE surprised (tsk tsk), you would’ve raised you hand, even though you know nobody can see you.  =P Then again, if you were like me, you would’ve raised your hand anyway, even if you weren’t surprised. Cause you’re just awesome like that. 😉

*pauses frantic typing at the sound of the wind whistling through the trees outside my open window. The soft breeze brushes across my still fingers. The windchime sings in the distance…*

Wow. You have no idea how calming that is after the day I’ve just had…

….right! Blog tag.

1).  The phone rings. Who do you want it to be?

First, it would totally make my day if the phone actually WAS for me. If it were, then I would be super jazzed if it was one of my friends. Just calling to say hi. 🙂

2). When shopping at a grocery store, do you return your cart?

Ha! When I go to a grocery store, I head straight for the book section. Any shopping I do only requires two hands. Thus I don’t need a cart.

3). In a social setting, are you the talker, or the listener?

Depends on the situation. If I’m with people I don’t know, I’m the listener. If it’s with people I’m comfortable with, then I’m the talker. Maybe too much of a talker. 😉

4).  Do you take compliments well?

I get better every day. 🙂

5).  Do you play Sudoku?

Whenever I feel like it, yeah.

6). Do you like riding horses?

Yes. 😀 My aunt has a horse, so whenever I visit her, I get to ride. It’s lots of fun. 😀 😀 😀

7). Did you ever go camping as a kid?

Depends on your definition of ‘camping’. 😉

8). What was your favorite game as a kid?

*tilts head* I’m not sure. Maybe Mancala. I was a Mancala genius in 2nd grade. 😉

9). If a good looking person was courting you, but you knew that he/she was married, would you play along?

*scoff* No! Probably a total loser. Speaks a lot to their perception of commitement. O.o

10). Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you?

No. 🙂

11). Do any songs make you cry?

Depends on the song. And the mood I’m in when listening to said song. 😉

12). Are you continuing your education?

Isn’t everyone? Everybody learns something new every day. 🙂

13). Do you know how to shoot a gun?

Yes. Not as well as I would like, but that’s what practice is for. 😉

14). If your house was on fire, what was the first thing you would grab?

Umm, my family? O.o

15).  How often do you read books?

All ze time. 😉

16). Do you think more about the past, present, or future?

Depends on what I’m thinking about, doesn’t it? O.o

17). What was your favorite childrens book?

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs (I’m so excited about the movie! ;)) and The Island of the Blue Dolphins.

18). What color are you eyes?

Brown.

19). How tall are you?

Not as tall as I would like to be. 😉

20). Where is your dream house located?

Maui. Or somewhere in Colorado. 🙂

21). Do you have a secret fetish?

Depends on what you mean by ‘fetish’.

22). Have you ever tried sushi?

Yep. That stuff ain’t too bad. 😉

23). Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?

Uh huh. 🙂 I just wish the picture had come out better.

24). When was the last time when you were in an olive grove?

I’ve never been to an olive grove.  😦 *sigh*

25). When was the last time you were in church?

Sunday. 😀

26). Where was the furthest place you traveled today?

Hmm…. probably the distance between my room and the office. Almost 50 feet. Wow…. =P

27). What was the job you loved most?

I’ll let you know when I figure it out. 😉

28). Do you like mustard?

You could say that. =P

29). Do you prefer to eat or sleep?

Sleep!

30). Do you look like your mom or dad?

People on my mom’s side say I look like her but people on my dad’s side say I look like him, so I’m thinking I look like me. =P

31). How long do you like to take a shower?

For as long as there’s hot water.

32). Can you do the splits?

Almost! 😀 😀 😀

33). What movie do you want to see right now?

New Moon. }:)

34). Would you fast forward your life if you could?

If you could fast forward your life, what would be the point of living?

35). What did you do for New Year’s Eve?

Read a book and watched a 3 Doors Down concert.

36). Do you eat fries with a fork?

No? Seriously, who does that? O.o

37). Can you identify with any of the characters in ‘Mean Girls?’

No. And I hope nobody else identifies me with one of the characters either…

38). Do you own a camera phone?

Yep yep. My phone embodies schweetness. 😉

39). Do you have an ‘ex box’ with pictures or letters from your former partners?

No…? What a weird question.

40). Was your mom a cheerleader?

No. She probably wanted to be though. I think she tried out for the drill team or something. *shrugs*

41). What’s the last letter of your middle name?

E.

42). Do you like your middle name?

Oh yesh. 😀 My parents are excellent name pickers… or whatever you call that particular skill. 😉

42). How many hours of sleep do you get a night?

Depends on the night. 😉

43). Do you like Care Bears?

Care Bears are demonic. So no. But Beanie Babies are cool. =P

44). What do you buy at the movies?

Raisinets. 🙂 Or Reese’s Pieces. *thinks of Dane Cook*

45). Do you know how to play poker?

Yes. Not as well as I would like. =P

46). Do you wear your seatbelt?

Yes. O.o

47). What do you wear to sleep?

A Mickey Mouse Tshirt and the most comfortable sweatpants ever! They have pockets, no less. 😉

50). Anything big ever happen in your hometown?

Besides the fact that I was born there? 😉

51). How many meals do you eat a day?

Depends on the day. I’m more of a snack person.

52). Do you have a tongue piercing?

No. Heck, my ears aren’t even pierced!

53). Do you like funny people or serious people?

Funny, of course! Is this a rhetorical question?

54). Ever been to L.A?

Yep. Disneyland, hello? 😉

55). Did you eat a cookie today?

No, but I had a ridiculously strong craving for one this morning. But alas, I didn’t have one. The option was to actually make the cookies (le gasp) or go without. Baking is something my lazy nature won’t allow. So I had an apple. 😉

56). Do you steal or pay for your music downloads?

What kind of question is that?? Of course I pay for my music downloads. O.o

57). Do you hate chocolate?

O.O *scoff* NO! Do you even know me??

58). What do you and your parents fight most about?

Not sure. I don’t liking fighting with anyone. 😦

59). Are you a gullible person?

Depends. I might be a little, but not compared to some…

60).  When was the last time you cried?

Idk, probably a month or so ago.

61). If you could have any job you want, what would it be?

A museum curator. 😀 Bet you didn’t see that one coming.

62). Are you easy to get along with?

I like to think so.  Shouldn’t you ask my friends that question?

63). What’s your favorite time of day?

Between 9 p.m and midnight. 🙂

Now go forth and post these on your blog! 😀

Ttfn.

😀
P.S: Exactly one month from today is my birthday. Muahahaha!! 😉