Decisions, decisions, decisions….

My dad always told me that you make the most important decisions which mold and alter your life between the ages of 16 and 26. At first I was surprised then disheartened. It’s between the ages of 16 and 26 that people are the most cocky and the stupidest then they’ll probably be for the rest of their lives. Why should they be making the important decisions then, rather than when they’ve gained the understanding to grasp the consequences? Sigh.

I know a guy who just recently sent his application for Cambridge (he’s only a sophomore)because he was sooo worried about what he was going to do for college.Β  It’s rumored that Cambridge likes us strange Americans…. I kept shaking my head when I heard that.Β  You live life by living in the now rather than worry about decisions you don’t have to make for another year or so. “Who by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”

For the past 3 days, I’ve been burying myself in Matt 6:25-34, in order to calm myself from worrying. Well, maybe not ‘calm myself’, but to help me stay content with living in the now. It goes hand and hand with dueling the green eyed monster, but I won’t go into that now.

Every time I visit my grandparents, I’m again reminded of the childhood God called me away from. I’m constantly reminded of how much I miss Kansas, mostly because of the friends I have there. I would rather have a few really close friends, which is how the current situation is in KS, then a lot of friends I don’t know every well.Β  Don’t get me wrong; I am really attached to the friends I have in Albuquerque, some of them I am really close to. But whenever I’m in Kansas, I feel more at ease, but whenever I’m in Alb, I feel… tense? And tired. I’m not sure why. Doing the proper psycho-analysis about that will be saved for another post. πŸ˜‰

One reason I love KS is because I love my grandparent’s house. It’s absolutely beautiful, and I have fond memories of it. (In Albuquerque, I don’t even have a closet in my room, whereas in Topeka, I have 2 closets…. πŸ˜‰ ) The house itself is one reason I think I feel so relaxed when I’m here. Another reason is that Topeka is a tenth of the size of Albuquerque. The crime level is significantly lower, and the busiest street in town at what could be considered ‘rush hour’ looks like any random street in Albuquerque at 3 in the morning.

Another reason I like Topeka is because of the scenery. Everything is green and vibrant, and the trees in the fall are a wonder to behold. Albuquerque has admirable aesthetic qualities too. The mountains are gorgeous, and the aspen trees in the fall on the mountains are stunning. (6% of Albuquerque’s tourism results from people coming to see the aspen trees) But I’m not the biggest fan of the sand, or the ‘enchantment’ as our family fondly calls it.

One thing I do NOT like about KS is it’s summer weather. I would rather drink water than inhale it. It get so humid in the summer, it’s ridiculous. Albuquerque is the #1 spot to live because it doesn’t have interesting weather. No hurricanes, no tornadoes, nothing! We have our ‘monsoon’ season in July, but usually, the only interesting weather we have in Albuquerque is drought.

If I lived in KS again, I would know at least one thing; I wouldn’t have to search for a church. I already have one. TBC(Topeka Bible Church) is the church my grandparents currently go to, and it was the church I went to when I lived there. I really like Pastor Congdon’s teachings, and I’m comfortable with the church. But I also like my church in Alb, so that would be something I would have to think about.

I’m trying to decide whether or not my love for Topeka is supposed to be significant or not. Did God let this feeling grow in my heart so I have a clearer indicator of what I should eventually do with my life? Or is it the result of my flesh missing the place where I grew up? And if it is something I need to think about, when should I think about it and what are the implications? Sigh.

For now, I’m not planning on going to college. Shocking, I know! This is the 21st century for heaven sake! How dare I not go to college? Normal people go to college. Well, God has been gracious to me, and the program Christian Writer’s Guild, headed by Jerry B. Jenkins, has come to my attention. It’s a great way to learn the practicalities of the writing market, and many exciting opportunities are available through it. Completing the Apprentice and Journeyman Courses, which are email correspondence courses, is the equivalent of a BA in writing, without the liberal professors breathing new false philosophies and worldviews down your neck. Here’s the link:

However, one must also consider the possibility that I could do both. Try to pursue a degree somewhere, and do the Christian Writer’s Guild. That way I’m not dependent on one or the other for my future. A great writer once said that you really need to understand psychology when writing fiction so you can better understand your character. (That’s one of the main reasons I like writing. I like getting into my character’s head and knowing them better than they know themselves) And since I have some interest in that anyway, might as well go for it. Maybe I could also minor in film history or something too, if I’m bored…. πŸ˜‰ And I don’t really care where I go to college. There are at least 3 college in Topeka or somewhat close to it that I could go for. My grandparents offered to let me stay in their basement apartment free of charge. They also offered that I could have a roommate down there if I so chose. However, none of the 3 colleges I mentioned are Christian. I know it’s probably smarter to go to a Christian college than a secular college for the reasons I said above.Β  But I trust that if I wanted to go to college, no matter where I go, God will be with me and will help keep my mind pure.

So the question now is this; if I’m supposed to come back to Topeka for college, does that mean I need to be back sooner, rather than later? And does that mean that I might have to….(wince) cram school for the next year? Does that mean I need to squeeze 2 years into one? I highly doubt it. I barely pull off the workload I have right now. I can’t just miraculously learn how to work twice as hard. I wouldn’t be motivated enough to do it anyway, even if I was as smart as people say I am.

Needless to say, much thought of the future is rolling around in my head. But I’m trying not to worry. And if this is the course I decide to one day take, I know I probably won’t be doing it anytime in the near future. So all of my Albuquerque friends can rest easy…. at least for now. πŸ˜‰

“Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” Luke 22:42


12 responses

  1. Matthew

    have you tried writing smaller, not so deep posts?

    April 14, 2009 at 10:34 pm

    • bestseller2b

      Uhhh… not really. Is that a problem?

      April 14, 2009 at 10:37 pm

  2. Matthew

    thats like a whole paper to read through! and it’s deep so it takes time to digest what you said >.<

    April 14, 2009 at 10:39 pm

    • bestseller2b

      Lol well you don’t have to read the whole thing if you don’t want to. πŸ™‚

      Part of it is my thought process. Whenever I have a ‘deep’ thought, I ruminate on it for a couple of days. Then eventually they’ll make it to the blog, when I’ve thought about it long enough that I know what I want to say. But if you’re thinking about something for a week, then when you post a week’s worth of thoughts, it makes a rather long page…. so yeah.

      There is a post somewhere in March that’s somewhat shorter and has a few jokes in it. And if you’re a movie aficionado, there’s a list of movie quotes too that took me at least a week to put together. πŸ™‚

      April 14, 2009 at 10:51 pm

  3. Matthew

    a whole week. wow, thats dedication. my hat’s off to you πŸ™‚

    April 14, 2009 at 11:01 pm

    • bestseller2b

      Lol you wear hats? Wow. I don’t look good in hats, so I generally try to avoid them… πŸ˜‰

      April 14, 2009 at 11:03 pm

  4. Matthew

    now your just changing the subject =P

    April 14, 2009 at 11:12 pm

    • bestseller2b

      Lol yes I am. But it was something funny to say, so… yeah. πŸ˜€

      April 14, 2009 at 11:15 pm

  5. demurepomegranate

    ACK!!!! YOU CANNOT LEAVE US!!!! *straps Lauren to chair*

    But seriously. I find reading your long posts interesting. It gives me a chance to see how you feel about things – you don’t often share feelings aloud. *hugs* Don’t worry, it’ll all work out in God’s timing.

    PS. Belt tests last week in April *le gasp*

    April 15, 2009 at 5:32 am

    • bestseller2b

      Lol it wouldn’t be completely permanent. I figured that since I’m so fond of Kansas summer weather (wink! πŸ˜‰ ) I would migrate south for the summer, where the weather is more tolerable. πŸ˜€ So I would get to hang out with my Alb friends every summer. My parents would probably appreciate that too…. πŸ˜‰

      Eeek, I heard about the belt tests. I’m doomed…. I’ll just have to wing it and see what happens. πŸ˜‰

      April 15, 2009 at 3:08 pm

  6. sereniteacafe

    I like the long posts too, Laur!

    And now I feel bad that you have 9 comments and I haven’t said anything yet =/

    God will make it clear what you’re supposed to do….just keep an open mind, and wait for his timing (I know, that horrid word wait!)

    And secular college isn’t a bad thing….I used to say that I wanted to go to a secular college, because there’s a point where we all have to become un-sheltered… Right now, idk what I’m going to do, because of where it seems God’s pointing me… but everything can change at any minute. And I’m going to pray about going to KS with you. πŸ™‚

    So yeah, just live today, and God will take care of tomorrow. “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything give thanks!” *hugs* God’s great at organization…even better than that wedding planner lady πŸ˜‰

    April 15, 2009 at 2:08 pm

    • bestseller2b

      Lol aint’t that the truth. Especially since that wedding planner lady had some major issues. πŸ˜‰

      Yeah, I figured I shouldn’t pray about it until I actually get back because my judgment is always clouded while I’m here. But I’ve been thinking about this for awhile, and the draw hasn’t lessened. Whether that’s a sign from God or not, I can’t say….

      I’m glad you’re praying about it. It gives me peace of mind. Maybe if God is telling you that you shouldn’t go, then maybe I shouldn’t go either. But anyway, it’s not a decision we need to make for awhile. Unless you know something I don’t. πŸ˜‰

      April 15, 2009 at 3:20 pm

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