“Play it again, Sam….”
…. not sure how many of you know this, but “Play it again, Sam” is the #1 misquoted movie line in all of history. You don’t believe me? Then go actually watch Casablanca. 🙂
Which brings us to one of my favorite hobbies… movies!! As those of you who know me well can attest, I know a fair amount about movies. That’s because I come from a family who really likes watching movies, especially my dad. Every time I turn around, my dad will tell me “Hey, there’s a movie called ___ on Saturday. Have you seen it?”
To which I would probably reply. “I’ve seen the second half of it.” Or “I’ve seen the last 5 minutes of it.”
Seeing the second half of movies is my curse. I’ve seen the second half of so many movies it’s not even funny…. okay, maybe it is a little bit. But you won’t think it’s funny if you came in on the second half of the third Bourne. Or the second half of the third Terminator. Or the second half of The Last Brick Maker in America. Or the second half of Frailty (that movie was really strange)…. Anyway, you get my point.
Just this weekend, I saw 3 movies I haven’t seen before. So I’m constantly adding to my movie database. I’ve seen more movies than most homeschoolers my age. And I google famous actors in my spare time. Sad? Yes, but it’s worth it when I can pull some random useless movie fact off the top of my head and impress everybody with my Hollywood knowledge.
It has always been my personal philosophy that if you want someone to remember something you say, you have to make it funny. People might remember something profound, but they will more likely remember something funny. So me, being me, I thought it might be a good idea to put both together: funny movie lines. That got me thinking. How many movie lines can I come up with?
So here’s a rather small list:
In order to clarify the confusing that might ensue, I’ll point out that I listed the movie by the ACTOR’s name (not the character they played in the movie, unless otherwise listed) and the movie they were in. Sorry about 3 of the quotes farther down the list. I couldn’t figure out how to fix that highlight thing…. You’ll notice that I don’t repeat a movie or TV show. I had to come up with 40 different quotes…
“Most teenagers want a car for their 16th birthday, not a country.”Anne Hathaway, The Princess Diaries.
“Evil… does not wear… a BONNET!” Sean Hayes, Cats and Dogs.
Vega: “Do you even know how to use that thing?”
Alejandro: “Yeah. The pointy end goes into the other man.” Anthony Hopkins and Antonio Banderas. The Mask of Zorro.
Rosalie: “Is she even Italian?”
Emmett: “Her name’s Bella.” Nikki Reed and Kellan Lutz. Twilight.
“I feel like I’ve been incarcerated in a blueberry. This car makes me want to weep and then die.”Tim Curry. Psych, The American Duos, Season 2, Episode 2.
“These cans are defective!” Steve Martin. The Jerk.
“Disturbing the peace! I got thrown out of a window! What’s the charge for getting pushed out of a moving car? Jaywalking?” Eddie Murphy. Beverly Hills Cop.
“Are you telling me that the former president of Albania is in there robbing a bank?” Denzel Washington. The Inside Man.
“You take a really hot poker, stick it up your nose, scramble things about a bit, and then rip it all out from your nostrils.” Rachel Weisz. The Mummy.
“You are evil and must be destroyed.” Shirley MacLaine. Steel Magnolias.
“I’ve had a really lousy Christmas, you’ve just managed to kill my New Year’s. If you come back for Easter, you can burn down my apartment.” Sandra Bullock. While You Were Sleeping.
Vivian: “You’re late.”
Edward Lewis: “You’re stunning.”
Vivian: “You’re forgiven.” Julia Roberts and Richard Gere. Pretty Woman.
“Nosus Decipio. It’s Latin. Loosely translated it means ‘We Cheat’.” Stephen Campbell. Amazing Grace
“This baby never sleeps. It’s working for me 24 hours a day, God bless it’s little Pentium chip heart.” Stockard Channing. Must Love Dogs.
[teaching poker to young actors]
Rusty Ryan: “Barry, your turn”.
Barry Watson: “Uh… four.”
Rusty Ryan: “You don’t want four. You want to fold.
Barry Watson: “I do? Is that a good thing?” Brad Pitt and Barry Watson. Ocean’s Eleven.
Albert Mondego: “Who are you and why are you doing this?”
Luigi Vampa: “We are bad men and for the money.” Henry Cavill and JB Blanc. The Count of Monte Cristo.
“Who wants to go down the creepy tunnel inside the tomb first?” Justin Bartha. National Treasure.
“I’m in a dress, I have gel in my hair, I haven’t slept all night, I’m starved, and I’m armed. Don’t mess with me.” Sandra Bullock. Miss Congeniality.
“This is Yzma, the emperor’s advisor. Living proof that dinosaurs once roamed the earth.” David Spade. The Emperor’s New Groove.
“I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine. He shall be my Squishy.” Ellen DeGeneres, Finding Nemo.
“I don’t think we need to pick apart the Alice-Cooper-wants-an-antique-chair theory.” Ted Levine. Monk. Mr Monk and the Garbage Strike. Season 5, Episode 2.
“You want dull? I can be dull. What a lovely shade of gray. How about some white bread with mayonnaise? Let’s watch golf on TV.” Dom Deluise. Stargate SG1. Season 3, Episode 16.
Izzy: “O’Connell, if you give me that gold stick there, you can shave my head, wax my legs, and use me for a surfboard.”
Rick: “Didn’t we do that in Tripoli?” Shaun Parkes and Brendan Fraiser. The Mummy Returns.
“Well I saw Witness too, and they don’t wear Armani shades!” Kristie Alley. Richer or Poorer.
“The FOB is MIA.” Jennifer Lopez. The Wedding Planner.
“When you’re breaking into someone’s house, it’s always better to have a white chick with you.” Omar Epps. House: MD. Pilot.
Mr. Ping: [after Po told him he had dream about noodle] “This is a sign, Po!”
Po: “Uh, a sign of what?”
Mr. Ping: “You are almost ready to be entrusted with the secret ingredient of my secret ingredient soup. And then you will fulfill your destiny and take over the restaurant just as I took it over from my father who took it over from his father who won it from a friend in a game of mahjong.” James Hong and Jack Black. Kung Fu Panda.
Elizabeth Swann: “There will come a time when you have a chance to do the right thing.”
Jack Sparrow: “I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.” Keira Knightly and Johnny Depp. The Pirates of the Carribean 2. Dead Man’s Chest
“Some of you may die, but that is a sacrifice I am willing to make.” John Lithgow. Shrek
“There’s no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?” Julie Hagerty. Airplane.
“It’s amazing the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy.” Rupert Everett. My Best Friend’s Wedding.
“The time traveling is just too dangerous. Better I devote myself to study the other great mystery of the universe – women!” Christopher Lloyd. Back to the Future II.
Dirk Pitt: “I’m sorry, I don’t speak English”.
Gunboat Officer: “You are speaking English right now.”
Dirk Pitt: “No, I only know how to say, “I don’t speak English” in English.” Matthew McConaughey and some extra’s name I can’t find. Sahara.
“Stop browbeating her! Can’t you see she is sexy?” Steve Martin. The Pink Panther.
“Well, you see, this is the problem with terrorists. They’re really inconsiderate when it comes to people’s schedules.” Arnold Schwarznegger. True Lies.
Robin McCall: “I think the important thing is not to make it look like we’re panicking.”
Andrew Shepherd: “See, and I think the important thing is actually not to BE panicking.” Anna Deavere Smith and Michael Douglas. The American President.
“People always live forever when there is an annuity to be paid them.” Harriet Walter. Sense and Sensibility.
“You mean you’re our real uncle? Because we’ve already got a fake uncle.” Daryl Sabara. Spy Kids.
“I’m a guy. Since when do we get anything right the first time?” Will Smith. Hitch.
…. and finally, the last one. I saved this one for last because of the *cough* colorful *cough* language *cough*. 😉 But still, it’s pretty funny. Imagine her speaking with a strong Jersey accent.
“Imagine you’re a deer. You’re prancing along, you get thirsty, you spot a little brook, you put your little deer lips down to the cool clear water… BAM! A f***in bullet rips off part of your head! Your brains are laying on the ground in little bloody pieces! Now I ask ya. Would you give a shit what kind of pants the son of a bitch who shot you was wearin?” Marisa Tomei. My Cousin Vinny.
And there you have it: a glimpse into my movie database. Just fyi, I’ve seen every movie on this list. 🙂 Let me know if you can think of any more. 🙂